i miss my old life where i wasnt as depressed. where art made me feel good and gave me a reason to live. now i feel like a shell with nothing inside and i know its because of my meds but if i go off them i wont be able to function. i miss being younger when nothing had any real consequences. time felt infinite. now all i hear is a ticking clock
why is it always the nights that i actually want to sleep early the ones where i can never sleep. i feel like shit, i just wanna fall asleep cuz i have a migraine but im wide awake. i did my eyeliner and im drinking gin & tonics, wishing i wasnt in this damn house, wish i wasnt depressed, feeling shitty. i keep erasing everything i write cuz it feels off. i wish i could pause time and let my brain rest but uni starts again in two days, im going to self destruct
revamped this page a bit and deleted my old posts cuz they were stupid. i still dont like how this page looks so im gonna be working on it a lot the next couple of days. i love reading other peoples' diaries on their sites but when it comes to mine i feel like its boring cuz i cant form coherent sentences, my brain is just empty most of the time LOL.. nothing goes on in there. if you crack it open it's hollow.
anyway, i spent most of today being productive on and off. i reorganized my closet which was a disaster up til now cuz i kept shoving stuff in and shutting the door as quick as i could so nothing would fall out.. i also finished organizing my onyanko club cutouts which ill take a proper video of soon! even though i have stuff to do i downloaded mahoutsukai precure. im gonna watch that for the rest of the night and maybe work on this page a little bit.. bye for now